Single Guys who act like Rabbis

Recently, I have noticed that there are some unmarried or single men who attend synagogue with the frequency of married men. These men are over 40, or older than me by a considerable margin.

One thing that I have found is that the older one gets, the more that one's formerly single guy friends either get hitched or drop out of Judaism, at least Orthodox or Traditional Judaism. However, this trend doesn't apply to these particular men because a couple of them are either Rabbis, scholars or Chazanim (Cantors). These men know how to lead services and be part of the Jewish community.

While it would be nice to be blessed to be able to have the focus to concentrate on one's religious growth and pursuits, the fact is that for most of us single men, we have this challenge called a Sex drive or the desire to either date or get married. Additionally, the other single men are working, in grad school or looking for full-time work. While working or networking or in graduate school, us "mere mortals" are exposed to young ladies who a) aren't Jewish or b) are Jewish but not observant. Therefore, we see ladies, even just a few of them, who can "turn us on" and if they're smart and attractive, it will be virtually impossible to see an Orthodox single woman who covers herself from head to toe, keeps negiah (no physical contact), yichud (no seclusion) and other rules that the devout women do, as ideal. It is not a good match.

In my humble opinion, these men are the exception to the rule, not the rule and in some ways mislead guys like me who participate on a weekly (or more often basis). What ends up happening is that because I am in synagogue on a weekly basis, people assume that I am some sort of "frummie" or quasi-Rabbi. That couldn't be further from the truth and I have some emotional scars to prove it from a previous marriage as well as a short-lived relationship with someone my age who wants that kind of man in her life.

Now, as far as the non-Observant Jewish women are concerned, I think that they know instinctively that I am too knowledgeable for them, so we can be friends or casual acquaintances. Yet these women are closer to what I want in terms of professional accomplishment, secular education and general outlook on life.

Even some men who are fortunate enough to be married exhibit some of these geeky or nebbish traits. Maybe this single-mindedness of purpose is what's necessary to be religious today.

Orthodox Judaism is comprised of many different stripes and backgrounds. I just feel that single men who are "quasi-Rabbis" are not representative of Orthodoxy and may cause others to think that the only men who are Sabbath observant are quasi-Rabbis or pseudo-intellectuals who have limited social skills.